The comic I mentioned earlier... I'm making progress. But all the camera angles overwhelmed me. I at this point have clear ideas of what I should do (at least relatively), but I keep finding so many flaws... Oh, the joy of nitpicking. I also haven't been very active lately either. Mainly because I've been spending so much time working on my comic and throwing away the resulting garbage.

Just last night, (oh, it was 4th of July? My bad, apparently all in my family completely forgot) I watched The Boy in the Striped Pyjamas (Region 1 DVD) with the rest of my family (excluding my father). My mother had seen it earlier at work (she brought the DVD with her and watched it on her lap top) and suggested that I, instead of watching it alone, "enjoy" the film with my brothers. She said "enjoy"! How can I enjoy any movie with those people? Ugh, they asked so many questions... Well, at least I didn't have to watch it with my mother. She's the sort that blurts out what ever she sees. "Oh, no he's lost!" "It's smoking." "Look, they're playing checkers!" Ach...! She's a relatively sweet woman, but there are so many times where I'd simply love to HIT her. Oh, watching movies on premiere night are the most fun when that woman goes up to use the wash room.

I won't be active for an other week, as tomorrow, I head to Catalina island. Camping, you know. Mother suggested it, and is funding it. I'm excited. Finally! I just might be able to see Ursula Major with the naked eye now! And even if it is cloudy for a whole week, I won't mind. There is no thing like a pristine night. Not that many such things exist any more... You know, it's not just light pollution [link] (yes, that's what I see EVERY NIGHT) that obfuscates the stars. No, no, there's regular every day anthropogenic air pollution, too. Smog, haze, that sort of thing. I remember reading that in the middle ages it was actually quite easy to see by star light; every thing was so bright! How Venus would illuminate the night, I can not comprehend nor imagine. Oh, I'll settle for any thing, all most any thing, just to see one star other than our sun... Here we can not even see Luna on many nights.

All so, I haven't been playing Crisis Core as much as I have. I've had it for a while, but I never realised how much mind less button mashing there was to the game. Well, that could be the result of going to complete every mission I possibly can before actually getting on with the story line, but... Well, the AI! I under stand that it might make sense for a worm to be less than bright, but... but it really gets absurd some times. All enemy combatants have the reflexes of a Psyduck... I want some thing interesting! Give them the ability to recover, dodge, and/or parry my attacks, for the love of squats! Also, the game is lacking in variety when it comes to environments. But on the bright side, treasure hunting and materia fusion are both very fun. I only ask that two Barrier materia, when fused together, not all ways result in MBarrier.

So, I've jumped on the band wagon and started playing Super Paper Mario with my brothers. It's actually very fun, and I don't have many gripes, except that some times the story gets too ludicrous and juvenile at times, especially in the beginning of the story. I all so wish that the story be less predictable. Oh, a few hearts in and most players will be able to unravel the game by them selves. I'm not asking for an abrupt and absurdly timed twist, but... Oh, and I'm addicted to the card collecting part of the game. It's late '90s Pokémon all over again... Well, I'm the kind of person who obsesses over collecting every thing and leaving no nook or cranny untouched.

It'll be nice to get away from all this, even for only a week. When ever they are around I be come depressed. I can not even play piano in front of them, and hence, why I quit; they were all ways there! All ways, all ways, like a shadow waiting to pull out your rib cage. Need less to say they make me uncomfortable. Oh, and there was never praise... That made me so much more uncomfortable. To the point where I cried, at least in side. It's actually very easy to stop your tears from flowing, your lips from quivering, and your self from passing laboured breaths. And then it was at that point where I went in to my room and really started crying, started getting the migraines, and even stopped thinking. Some times I even forget why I was crying in the first place. Ever since a certain traumatic event I've suffered frequent short term memory problems like that. What I was doing... What I had just done... What I was just thinking... It's all too often. I wonder how bad my neurons look?

But I'm all right with all that. It's better that I forget the arguments I just had minutes earlier than dwell upon them. Ive had more than enough of such traumas. I just want to go on and live a life with out my family... And I will some day, if I live long enough. Freedom! Call me foolish if you will, wishing for adolescence to make haste and end, I do not care. I'd like to live with out anxiety and sadness for once, and for more than a week at a time...

Some times I wonder if it would've been better if I died, you know? Not that I'll ever die of my own accord due to agony of some sorrows. My being clings to life too much, regard less of how pain full.

I like writing, at least when no one's here (excluding my cat). It calms me down, it's like an emotional purging... What do you call that again? There's a word for it. Is it "catharsis"? But I'll all ways wish for a comforting hand on my shoulder.